Stop, Drop and Roll! (How to Deal with a Conflict!)

Dear friends,

I'm about to start teaching the Young Peacemaker curriculum in my home school co-op English class.   Meanwhile, here is something I came up with several years ago to teach my own kids.  It's just as good for moms! (This is an excerpt from my book The Real Life Home School Mom, which is available for free download in the sidebar of my main blog, http://www.virginiaknowles.blogspot.com/.)



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Here is another idea for moms who are trying to be peacemakers: Stop, Drop and Roll. Given the sheer size of my family, there is a high probability that someone will be involved in an unpleasant confrontational conversation (argument) in a given day. A mom needs a way to deal with all this and not get overloaded. Here's a quick explanation of something that helps me keep my sanity when conflicts arise. I developed this concept from the standard "what to do when you clothes catch on fire" Stop-Drop-and-Roll instructions. Think of a conflict as a fire that is about to burn you up. If you thrash around wildly or run away, the oxygen is going to feed the flames. You've got to stop, drop and roll.





STOP: When you find your temper flaring, your jaw clenched, your muscles tense, STOP! Don't yell, nag, threaten, accuse, slam doors or otherwise lose it. You've seen the red warning flag, so STOP! "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." (James 1:19, NIV)


DROP: You've got resentment, bitterness, frustration roiling around inside. It's a burden, and a heavy one at that. You're going to have to lay it down eventually -- why not RIGHT NOW? Drop your burden at the feet of Jesus. "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7, NIV) You don't have to carry it one minute longer. Forgive!


ROLL: Get on with it. If there is a solution to your conflict, work it out calmly, paying special attention to preventing a recurrence of the same problem in the future. After that, go about your business and don't let the whole thing stop you in your tracks or cause you to stew. You've got a life to live! "Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13-14, ESV)


When I remember to Stop, Drop and Roll, it helps me solve problems much more effectively and efficiently. I also don't carry around frustration quite as long, which makes me more productive the rest of the day.

Grace Will Lead Me Home (Advent Poem 2009)

"Grace Will Lead Me Home"

by Virginia Knowles
Advent 2009


Grace will lead me home
Like a pillar of fire for a pilgrim in the wilderness
Like a shimmering star hovering over new Glory and Peace on earth
That wise ones still seek and follow.

Grace leads me home
When the way is dark and wayward voices call
I listen for the Shepherd's steady voice
When my soul cries for thirst
He leads me to the oasis
To the crystal fountain whence the healing stream flows

Grace leads me home
Because God is with me:
Jesus full of grace and truth
Grace upon grace dwelling in the tabernacle of my heart
My Messiah abides in me and I in him, my hope of glory


Grace leads me home
Because the Holy Spirit is my Comforter,
My Counselor to guide me in truth
Because I cry "Abba, Father! I am your child!"
I am more than a conqueror
Nothing can separate me from your love
And You will lead me home.

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Each year I write an Advent poem.  Each year I wait for just the right inspiration.  Until it comes, there is no sense in even picking up my pen.  In recent months, God's grace has come to me in fresh ways as I am learned to live from a sense of who I am in Christ and to to rely on the power of the Holy Spirit rather than my own efforts.  I knew my poem this year would reflect his work in my heart.
 

On Sunday, Mike Nash preached on the wonder of God's grace.   Toward the end of his sermon, he mentioned John Newton's classic hymn "Amazing Grace".   (Another story here: The Amazingly Graced Life of John Newton: His was a tale of two lives, with God at the pivot point.)  Newton had owned a slave ship in the late 1700's before God reached down and plucked him out of darkness into the kingdom of light.  As we sang his hymn moments later, the line "and grace will lead me home" leapt out of the third verse.  I knew that was the start of my poem.  The other 18th century hymn that found its way into my own verses (pillar of fire, pilgrim, crystal fountain, healing stream) is "Guide Me O Thou Great Jehovah" which I sometimes sing with my children.   You can listen to it in the original Welsh with the video below.



The poem is also inspired by John 15:1-8 and Romans 8.

I pray that "Grace Will Lead Me Home" it will bring hope to your heart this Christmas season.  I encourage you to think of people you know who might need fresh faith in the middle of trying times.  So many are hurting and lonely, which is extra hard when the pressure is on to be merry and jolly for the holidays.   Let's take the time to notice, to listen, and to serve.

As I walked with my friend Tonya this morning, we were talking about how sometimes what our own children need most is time to talk and just be with us.  So many unpleasant discipline situations could be avoided if we learned to communicate in a wholesome, affectionate and interested way.  We need to be proactive in training them in the good life rather than just waiting until they mess up and then taking even longer to correct them for poor choices.  A warm and nurturing relationship is the best way to raise children.   It takes time!  Likewise, I am seeing that God wants time with me, too.  He is Abba.  That means Daddy!  He is never too busy for me!   As I listen to him, he lovingly leads me on a positive path.   The stronger and closer my relationship with God is, and the more I am walking in grace, the less he needs to correct me.  I will want to please him with my whole heart, not grieve him!   And as my children see my intimacy with God and a growing desire to live for him and in him, this will help their hearts to turn in the same direction.   Love, joy, and peace are powerful magnets!  And grace will lead us home!

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We're done with our Providence home school co-op classes for the semester. On Monday afternoon, we put on a Christmas program with each class singing one or two carols for the rest of us. The 5th-6th graders got brave and did theres in Spanish and sign language. My middle school English class sang the first known Christmas carol, "Of the Father's Love Begotten", which was written in Latin by Aurelius Clemens Prudentius in the 4th century and translated into English by John Mason Neale in the 1800's. The week before our performance, my students worked on memorizing it, learning about the meaning of the words, reading related Scriptures, and studying the Nicene Creed, which was written in the same time period. Their next assignment, to be completed before classes start again in January, is to read Luke 1 and 2, answer some questions, watch parts of Handel's Messiah, and then write either a short Christmas memories story, a Christmas poem, or a description of their favorite Christmas story or carol. I have posted the Handel's Messiah video clips on-line, along with some nativity-themed fine art from the National Gallery, here: Handel's Messiah & National Gallery of Art.


Since we only have a week's worth of Providence assignments this month, sometimes it's a bit of an extra challenge keeping the kids doing happy things and not aggravating each other. The five younger kids and I try to start each day with singing Christmas carols, reading a little few verses from Luke 2, and then enjoying one of our favorite Christmas books. I also want to read them some poetry, such as "A Christmas Carol" by Josiah Gilbert Holland. "O Little Town of Bethlehem", one of the carols we have been singing in the mornings, is such a familiar one to most of you, but I recently discovered a delightful little verse I had never seen:

Where children pure and happy pray to the blessèd Child,
Where misery cries out to Thee, Son of the mother mild;
Where charity stands watching and faith holds wide the door,
The dark night wakes, the glory breaks, and Christmas comes once more.

My prayer for the Christmas break is that in our family, charity will stand watching so that faith can open wide the door when we see a need or an opportunity to bless someone. We had a day earlier this week where it seemed we were all irritable with one another, just wandering aimlessly and selfishly. "Misery cries out to Thee" describes my plea to God about this. I didn't want to continue with that pattern all month. I'd much rather have "pure and happy" children. That's when I got serious about starting the morning with singing and decided to print out a dozen carols for our song notebooks. The next morning, after singing our carols, we talked about how we are celebrating Jesus' birthday this month and that we can give him a special present of worshiping him in faith, and then loving one another in response to that. (Naomi reminded me that JOY is thinking of Jesus first, Others second, and Yourself after that.) I really want to break the bickering habit and replace it with sweet speech. I asked the kids to make a special effort to stop calling names, mimicking, or telling each other to shut up. And if they offend or hurt someone, they need to apologize, even if it was an accident. But that's not enough! We need to replace the negatives with something positive. I suggested that each day, each of us will look for a small opportunity to bless each of the others. This could be reading a story to four year old Melody, offering someone a mug of hot chocolate, cleaning up a pile of construction paper scraps after craft time, running to bring someone a roll of toilet paper when it's out, or letting someone else go first on the computer. Honestly, it hasn't been perfect since then, but there has been a huge improvement and they seem to be responding to the gentle reminders to be pleasant and do the right thing. The dark night wakes, the glory breaks... We can do this after all, with God's help.


If you or someone you know are struggling through this Christmas season, whether from busyness, weariness, or life crises, please check out these articles that I wrote in years past: A Simplified Christmas and A Bittersweet Advent.