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Two black swallowtail butterflies
with freedom to fly! |
Dignity, Decisions, and
Liberty of Conscience
As
I write on this Watch the Shepherd blog about the abuse of authority and advocating for the vulnerable,
I often think of another underlying theme: liberty of faith
and conscience. This applies to churches, marriages, parenting, education choices, and so much more.
Many
of us are very passionate people with strong opinions. That is vital
in an age of apathy; our zeal and vision motivate us to stay
intimately involved with our families and communities. If we have
found something good, something that works for us, we want to share it. If we have learned a solid Biblical
doctrine, we want to teach the truth to lift others up. If we have
a favorite candidate or cause, we join the campaign, donate the money, put up the signs in our yards, and promote our views with Facebook status updates. If we see
someone engaging in unhealthy, questionable or destructive behavior
or relationships, we want to help them break free before it is too
late.
There
is a time for firm intervention, especially when we are advocating
for vulnerable people. It is appropriate to contact authorities
about illegal activity such as human trafficking, child abuse, sexual
abuse, drug dealing, or tax evasion. It is appropriate to stage an
intervention, such as a trip to rehab, if someone is destroying his
life with substance abuse and has lost the ability to reason. It is
appropriate to warn someone who is doing something stupid, such as
continuing in a violent “romantic” relationship. Pastors sometimes need to disfellowship members who are engaging in serious unrepentant immoral behavior. A parent certainly has the right to make decisions on behalf of a minor child, such as curtailing unwise friendships or the use of technology, although a wise parent also gradually releases hold of the decisions in order to launch the child to healthy independence.
However,
there can be a negative side to our attempts to influence others when we get so invested in our
hot button issues that we seek to push
our opinions, convictions and lifestyle choices in inappropriate
ways. We can have the best of motives and care deeply about others, but still miss the mark. If we are in a position of leadership or influence (such as a
pastor, boss, husband, parent, close confidante, or mentor), this can
also quickly become abuse of authority. Our concern becomes a form of
coercion, even if we aren't technically “forcing” somehow to go
along with our plans for them.
I
consider myself to be “Reformed” in doctrine, but I would
certainly distance myself from the 16th century Calvinists
who persecuted Anabaptists to the point of death over the issue of believer's baptism. It's a good thing times have changed! Despite the fact that I do not believe in infant baptism,
I can't even imagine my Presbyterian pastor blasting me over that issue. I
respect his sincere views and he respects mine.
I also shake my head
at the 17th century Puritans who hanged my aged ancestor,
Margaret Scott, during the Salem Witch Trials. Passion and
superstition trumped reason and compassion, and the Puritans have tragically become a laughingstock of American history despite the lasting legacy of their many sterling character qualities. In my own 21st century experience, I left another Reformed-doctrine church denomination after many years of membership because of various issues. In good
conscience, I could not stay, but I still love and respect my friends and family
members who attend these churches. And I'm not a fan of most preachers who are popular with Reformed evangelicals; Mark Driscoll is particularly disturbing.
One
thing I do love about Reformed doctrine is the concept of God's
Providence – that he is ultimately in control of what happens in
our lives, that he is watching over us and bringing us through the
hard times, the difficult days. If God is in control, if he can woo
and change the hardest heart, then I don't have to pull all of the
human strings to manipulate others into doing what I think is right.
I can be patient with others and with myself, and not work myself
into a frenzy when they won't change or I can't seem to change.
Conversely, if someone is trying to manipulate me, I can take
responsibility for my decision making, my own physical, emotional and
spiritual well-being under the gracious guidance of God. I can set boundaries of acceptable ways of relating to me.
What
I am trying to say is that when dealing with others, we need to
respect liberty of conscience and the dignity of making decisions.
Sure,
go ahead and present your information persuasively and logically.
Invite them to consider it. Set an example to match your words. But
stay calm. Let the force of your argument be from your personal
credibility and your reasonable words. Then back off and let them
make them their own free choice. Pushing your agenda may be
counterproductive anyway – the harder you try, the more they
resist. None of us wants to be someone else's improvement project.
None of us wants to be controlled. That is not necessarily rebellion
(as it is often labeled by those who want to maintain power), but is
often an expression of our God-given liberty of conscience.
Ask
yourself, will this interaction improve my relationship? Do the
people I want to influence know that I care more about them as
individual people than I do about changing them? Do they know that I
will love and accept them no matter what they choose? Am I controlling myself as much as I want to control them?
If you have a tendency
to control others “for their own good” there is still hope for you to
change. Learn to inspire
your loved ones to gain the courage and confidence to face their
problems rather than always trying to fix things for them. Learn to
ask what you can do to help and then do it, even if it seems too insignificant, even if you think you know better what they need. Learn to apologize when you have offended, without using that as an opportunity to launch back into the discussion in the same way. Learn to listen well and long.
And
may we always remember to pray for God to pour out his most abundant
blessings on them, even if we don't approve of their actions or
lifestyle. The man who once violently persecuted Christians – and
whom God still saved in an unexpected way - penned these words in his
letter to the church at Ephesus:
“I
pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with
power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that
Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that
you, being rooted and established in love, may
have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and
long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know
this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to
the measure of all the fullness of God. Now
to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or
imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to
him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all
generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians
3:16-21
“Then
we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the
waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by
the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful
scheming. Instead,
speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into
him who is the Head, that is, Christ.” Ephesians
4:14-15
“So
then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore
let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your
mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s
way.” Romans 14:12-13
"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." James 1:19
“The
quiet words of the wise
are more to be heeded than
the
shouts of a ruler of fools.”
Ecclesiastes 9:17
As
Chris Rice sings in "You Don't Have to Yell":
Everybody
take a breath
Why
are all your faces red?
We're
missing all the words you said
You
don't have to yell
Draw
your lines
And
choose your sides
Cause
many things are worth the fight
But
louder doesn't make you right
You
don't have to yell,
Oh, you don't have to yell!
Other related posts:
Grace and peace,
Virginia Knowles
www.WatchTheShepherd.blogspot.com
P.S. My friend Karen Campbell, of www.ThatMom.com, post this quote from C.S. Lewis on her Facebook.
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised
for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to
live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber
baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be
satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end
for they do so with the approval of their own conscience. They may be more
likely to go to Heaven yet at the same time likelier to make a Hell of earth.
This very kindness stings with intolerable insult. To be “cured” against one’s
will and cured of states which we may not regard as disease is to be put on a
level of those who have not yet reached the age of reason or those who never
will; to be classed with infants, imbeciles, and domestic animals." ~ C.
S. Lewis
P.P.S. I took the butterfly picture at the top of this post with my iPod while out on a walk in my neighborhood. It is my submission this week to the P52 Photo Project for this week's theme "Birds or Flying."
I asked the students in my home school co-op English class to bring in items for the mom's gift baskets, and we've been able to fill two so far. To get them in the spirit, I brought in the picture book Lights on the River by Jane Resh Thomas, which is about the plight of impoverished migrant workers. It's one of my favorite books, and I warned them that I would cry when I read it. I think it made quite an impression on them. 
