No Little Women (CBE17)

"No Little Women"
Virginia Knowles

In the beauty of the Kingdom
There shall be no little women:
Shrinking
Shriveled
Silenced
Shamed
Subservient
Shadows
No, never!
Lo and behold
Sisters and brothers together
In mutual love and honor
Lift their lights high
Raise their voices strong and clear
Boldly proclaiming
Peace, joy, liberty, mercy
Healing, justice in Jesus
Together, strong and free
In the glory of the gospel of grace
No little women and no little men.
"May your Kingdom come
May your will be done
On earth as it is in Heaven."

~~ I wrote and posted this poem from my phone while attending Mutual by Design, the 2017 international conference of Christians for Biblical Equality. I'll be writing more about the conference and some recommended resources this month as I have time.

~~ I'm obviously not talking about physical height here. I'm talking about the tendency of many in the church to see women as "less than" men - and oh, "bless their little hearts!" We all talk about equality, but then women are still treated with condescension.

~~ But speaking of physical height, here are two women from the conference. Julie Anne, on the right, is a watchdog blogger at www.spiritualsoundingboard.com. We've been in touch for several years about issues in the home schooling movement and patriarchal churches. I really appreciate the sacrificial work she does.  Diane, on the left, was a nun for about 20 years and then was ordained as a Catholic priest. I'm not sure how that works, but she says there are 250 women priests. Now in her 70's, she hosts a radio show aimed at preventing domestic violence. She may be only 5 feet tall, but she's a powerhouse. Julie Anne is 6' 4". Whatever their height, these two women get the job done.

~~ I picked the Statue of Liberty picture for the top of this post, because I believe that women are emerging as powerful leaders in the fight for liberty for the oppressed around the world. The women at this conference included ones who work in dangerous places like the Democratic Republic of the Congo doing rape prevention and aftercare, or who labor from and within the USA to end sex trafficking, domestic violence, female genital mutilation, and other evils.

Equality.

Think about it.

Act on it.

Virginia Knowles

A Clump of Sadness :: Suicide Prevention Week

This afternoon and evening I have been feeling a bit moody and sad.

I was (and still am) tired from not choosing the right amount of sleep and balanced nutrition these past few days. I missed my thyroid pill in the morning. I am hormonal and though I'm heading toward menopause, it's not here yet. Enough said on that part.

It is 9/11. Thinking of that, remembering and reprocessing what happened 14 years ago, yanks at my heartstrings. For me it's not so much about patriotism or even the evil enemy. It is the thought of so much suffering, so much grief, so much wreckage, so much fear.

I am angry and angsty at what is in the news these days, too. Foreign tragedies and terrors. Refugees. Wars and rumors of wars. Children being abused in churches and families. Patronizing and pious answers. Excuses and lies. I want to shriek. Make it stop!

I am disappointed with a bunch of things in my own experience. Yes, despite many challenges, my life is manageable, I savor my joys, and I am thankful for so much. Yet I also look around and see those whose life circumstances are so much better than mine. This juxtaposition, this contrast of mine against theirs - well then. Sigh. I had so many ideals and sweet dreams for life that others seem to attain with ease. And I haven't. And it is not likely that I ever will. I can hear in my head someone accusing me of the sin of jealousy. It is not that, at least not much. I am glad for others and I really can enjoy the goodness of the life that I do have. But it is still bittersweet.

So right now... a clump of sadness sits in my soul.

I know this of myself. When I grieve for one thing, or two, it all comes rushing in, a least for a little while. When I think of the loss of my sweet mother two years ago, I say, "I'm grieving for my mother." This is true, but not complete. Grief can be like a vacuum that sucks all of life's other losses into the void. Misery loves company. So what starts as one single simple grief becomes a tangled mess, and I may or may not sort out the strands.

I also know this of myself. I will feel better. Soon. Maybe just after a good night's sleep. (Trust me, I'm about to go there.) You don't need to be alarmed. I am not at risk of hurting anyone. I have an awesome support system. Hugs and affirmations from my family, and even writing this, have made me feel so much better already. So I am not complaining.

I just want to acknowledge that sadness is a real thing. Depression is a real thing. Unfortunately, for so many people, depression does not lift as easily as my fleeting sadness. No matter how they try to lift their spirits and think happy thoughts and pray faith-filled prayers, it can spiral down down down out of control. This doesn't have to happen. There is help and hope.

This year, September 6-12 is National Suicide Prevention week. I don't know if your life has been touched by suicide. Mine has. Years ago, a dear Christian friend, who loved and led others from the bottom of her heart, committed suicide. She left a huge hole in a community of hearts. I keenly remember the phone call, the funeral, the questions and regrets. Why was I not more aware? Why couldn't I have done more?

I cannot intervene for my sweet friend. It is too late.

Yet I hope that these thoughts can make you more aware of depression, whether it is you or a loved one, an acquaintance or a stranger. Open your eyes and ears, open your heart, and as you are led by love, open your mouth. Your attention, understanding, compassion, and action can help save a life. It may take connecting them with professional counseling or medication. But it can start with a word or an embrace from you.

A music video, an article, another of my essays and a few of my poems to get you started... 


"Beautiful Things" by Gungor



Why Churches Need to Talk about Suicide by Jamie Tworkowski

Melancholy by yours truly

The poems:

• Your Kindness Gave Me Courage
• Disentangle
• Shimmer and Shadow
• The Harp in the Willow
• Pilgrimage and Jubilee

Oh, let me just put a whole one right here...

“Your Kindness Gave Me Courage”

by Virginia Knowles

Your kindness gave me courage 

A gentle conversation

A thought-filled gaze

A good deed done 

A warm embrace

A place at your table  

A long letter, short note, silent words
A prayer for wisdom and strength

A gift from the heart.

Surely you did not fully know

(How could you?)
What that would do in me.

Could you sense my soul’s burdens:

The dark and doubt and defeat?

Then, just then, your kindness came as

Light: luminous

Love: lifting and leading me with 

Steady steps toward faith, hope, and joy.

Even though you could not fathom
Its deep reach and widening ripples
I knew then what I know now

And what I live a little more each day.

The very remembrance

Keen and bittersweet

Still fills me with dignity and wonder that

I can see, speak, serve, sing and

Bring light and love to others.

I bless you, my friend, with all my heart.

May the Lord Almighty bless you beyond

Full measure, pouring over the rims, for

Your kindness gives me courage.

If you know of other resources, be so kind as to leave a comment?

Love Light

Such love does

the sky now pour,

that whenever I stand in a field,

I have to wring out the light
when I get home.

St. Francis of Assisi

I took all of the sky pictures you see here. I can't resist sunrise, sunset, clouds, tree silhouettes. It restores my soul when I am weary and doubting.

Such myriad ways he pours down his lavish love from on high.

As we start the new year, every once in a while, gaze at the sky and receive beauty.

Grace and peace,

Virginia

www.WatchTheShepherd.blogspot.com

Take Us on the Quest of Beauty (Strength in Hymn)

"Take Us on the Quest of Beauty"

Eleanor B. Stock

Take us on the Quest of Beauty,

Poet, Seer of Galilee

Making all our dreams creative

Through their fellowship with Thee.

 

Take us on the Quest of Knowledge

Clearest Thinker man has known!

Make our minds sincere and patient

Satisfied by Truth alone.

Take us on the Quest of Service

Kingly Servant of man’s needs

Let us work with Thee for others

Anywhere Thy purpose leads.

All along our Quest’s far pathways

Christ our Leader and our Guide

Make us conscious of Thy presence

Walking always at our side.

Beauty, knowledge, service - what a life! Such a far cry from so much of what passes for evangelical Christianity. I hate hype and hypocrisy, and tend to distrust anything that smacks of celebrity. I want authentic, intelligent, creative, calm, and compassionate. I want whatever has the real Jesus walking and talking within it. Let our dreams mingle with him, meditate and muse on him, and we too shall be poets and seers, truth tellers and servants of humankind for the gospel. This is the Grand Adventure. This is the Quest of Beauty, Truth, Service, and Jesus.

I love these obscure vintage hymns, this one another serendipitous discovery on my browse through the Brethren hymnal, one of many that I inherited from my grandmother. My other favorite "beauty" hymn is actually the most popular one in my Strength in Hymn series: Let the Beauty of Jesus Be Seen in Me

The photos? They were taken at Lake Johnson in Raleigh, North Carolina, while I was visiting my sweet cousin Jean. (See here for more pictures from the same set: A Raleigh Good Time.) Jean embodies the ideals of this hymn, and it's good to walk this quest of life with her friendship and prayers and example to cheer me along the way. I am so grateful for all of my family and friends who do the same! 

Virginia Knowles

www.WatchTheShepherd.blogspot.com

The Star of Hope is Still in the Sky When the Night is Blackest

"The star of hope is still in the sky when the night is blackest. The LORD will not forget us and hand us over to the enemy. Let us rest in hope. We have to deal with One whose mercy endureth forever. Surely, out of death, and darkness, and despair we shall yet arise to life, light, and liberty." Charles Spurgeon

Back in March, I downloaded a lovely daily journal app called Ordinary Days onto my iPod. I have an entry and usually a photo for every single day since then, though sometimes I have to go back and fill in a gap.

Today, I read back over nearly five months of entries, and found the Spurgeon quote that my friend Bart, an elder at our church, had e-mailed to me. What else did I find in those Ordinary Days?  Sure, lots of just ordinary things: lists of all the household tasks, a note about an event or an amusing conversation, song lyrics. But then also dark times, exhausting times, confusing times, and the faithfulness of God in the midst, often through the encouragement and practical kindness of friends and family.

I am reminded of a poem I wrote in February 2012, probably my favorite of all. When I am having a tough time, I often think of the last few lines and take courage. (More background and photos for the poem here.)

Shimmer and Shadow

I.

Epiphany dawns to blaze of day

Fiery sun and cooling shade

Then sunset glow

Seeping dusk

Star sparkle, honey gold of moon

Obscuring haze of deepening dark

Dark deep

Wait

Rest

Heal

Epiphany dawns

Hope rises on the horizon

  

II.

My life is shimmer and shadow

Shadow and shimmer

A chiaroscuro portrait, 

   clear and dark

The Artist draws and draws

Draws me into scenes 

   of day and night

Draws me to himself 

   in glimmerings and glimpses

There is still life

I am still here

I am here and so is He

In shimmer and shadow

~*~*~

  

"Even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you." Psalm 139:12

"Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you." Isaiah 60:2

"I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word. My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises." Psalm 119:148

"He who made the Pleiades and Orion, who turns blackness into dawn and darkens day into night… the Lord is his name." Amos 5:8

"Praise him, sun and moon, praise him, all you shining stars." Psalm 148:3

"My heart is steadfast, O God' I will sing and make music with all my soul. Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn." Psalm 108:1-2

"On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night.  Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings." Psalm 63:7

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Psalm 23:4

"… because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace." Luke 1:78-79

"But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings." Malachi 4:2a

For life, light, and liberty...

Virginia Knowles

www.WatchTheShepherd.blogspot.com

P.S. I just renamed and moved my "mom" blog to This Mom Grows Up.

I added in index pages, and one of them is Rocky Places, full of links to articles on that blog about growing during difficult times. My newest article there is When Life is Not a Bowl of Cherries, and another recent one that I imported from the old blog is Adding Wisdom to Strength. Take a peek and let me know what you think!

"God the Artist" by Dag Hammarskjӧld

"God the Artist"

You take the pen

and the lines dance.

You take the flute,

and the notes shimmer.

You take the brush,

and the colours sing.

So all things have meaning and beauty

in that space beyond time where you are.

How, then, can I hold back anything from you?

Dag Hammarskjӧld (1905-1961)

Secretary-General of the United Nations (1953-1961)

Nobel Peace Prize Winner

Related posts:

• Shimmer and Shadow (another poem with God as artist)
• You Have Loved Us First (Prayers by Søren Kierkegaard)
• Sunday Stroll at Mead Botanical Garden (leaf photo taken here)

Grace and peace,

Virginia Knowles

www.WatchTheShepherd.blogspot.com

I Dare Not Trust the Sweetest Frame? (Strength in Hymn)

But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God.
I trust in the steadfast love of God forever and ever.Psalm 52:8

Trust in the LORD, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Psalm 37:3

My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;

I dare not trust the sweetest frame,

But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

Trust.  So many of us have lost trust in other people, and often even our trust in God wavers.  I can't tell you how many times I've been reminded that people will always let you down, but we can trust in God.  And I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to doubt God, too.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;

All other ground is sinking sand,

All other ground is sinking sand. 

Should we trust other people?  Yes and no, I suppose.  It depends on whether they are trustworthy or not.  You are not obligated to trust someone just because they demand it.  If they've broken your trust, it is up to them to rebuild it.  Sure, give them a chance, but use your God-given caution.  People can be like quicksand, sucking us under.

A wise counselor once gave me this word picture.  If a dirty hobo shows up at your door asking for food, he can't expect to be invited into your fancy dining room for a banquet.  It's too much of a risk that he'll rob you blind or worse!  However, you can pull up a rocking chair for him on the front porch and bring out a nice hoagie sandwich, some chocolate chip cookies and lemonade.   He is receiving the amount of trust that he is due.  This counselor compared this analogy to strained relationships.  If someone has broken your trust and wants to regain it, you bring him or her "a sandwich on the porch" -- allowing basic dignity but no true intimacy.  You can grant them a little more and more trust as you go, as they prove they are able to handle it.

When darkness veils His lovely face,

I rest on His unchanging grace;

In every high and stormy gale,

My anchor holds within the veil.

Many of you have endured broken trust in the form of abuse of authority in the context of your family, your church, or a religious organization.  When the person who has wronged you claims to have God's anointing, it's very natural to feel angry at God, too, projecting the warped misrepresentation of character onto him.  This kind of darkness veils his face.  It's time to remove that barrier so we can gaze directly on the kindness and grace of Jesus and rest in what he has done for us rather than the legalistic demands of others.

His oath, His covenant, His blood

Support me in the whelming flood;

When all around my soul gives way,

He then is all my hope and stay.

Chances are, if you've been wrapping your whole life and relationships around a system instead of our Savior, most of your friends and family members in that particular context are not going to understand your angst.  They will exhort you to get back in line and conform.  It's painful to walk away  from the security you have known, even if it is making you die inside.  Take courage. Find out who the real Jesus is, he who  shed his blood to die so you could live, he who still searches out the broken to restore them to wholeness.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,

Oh, may I then in Him be found;

Dressed in His righteousness alone,

Faultless to stand before the throne. 

Jesus is coming back for the Church, his Beloved Bride.  Though we are individuals, we aren't Lone Rangers.  We are meant for community. It is good to be able to trust people around us: to enjoy a warm and healthy family life, have close friendships, and be knit in with other Christian believers for fellowship, worship, and teaching.  Heaven is going to be a huge party -- and then, in the light of his presence, our relationships will all be perfect, with no disappointment, sorrow or pain!  I can't wait!

"And those who know your name
put their trust in you,
for you, O Lord,
have not forsaken
those who seek you."
Psalm 9:10

The pictures in this post were taken outside the office of a Christian therapist.  If you suspect that you have trouble trusting God and other people in a healthy manner, I encourage you to seek out a wise, compassionate, and experienced counselor to help you work through it.

This post is the first in my Strength in Hymn series.  The second is: Let the Beauty of Jesus Be Seen in Me. 

You might also like these posts:

• Beside the Still Waters
• Dignity, Decisions, and Liberty of Conscience
• It Became to Me a Dark Thing (A Poem)
• Disillusioned and Disappointed? Take It to Jesus!

• Wisdom from Letters of Direction by Abbé de Tourville

• Wisdom Through the Church?
• King Jesus vs. Yertle the Turtle
• Gleaning Encouragement from Scriptures in Times of Disillusionment
• Recovering, Still...
• The Life of Christ, Our Identity in Christ, The Priesthood of All Believers, Submission and Humility

Virginia Knowles

www.WatchTheShepherd.blogspot.com

Invitation to Stillness

Invitation to Stillness

Advent Poem 2010

by Virginia Knowles

Quiet your soul to ponder, wonder, 

  and worship the Amazing One.
In these still and focused moments, 

  embrace his everlasting love for you.
Savor his sacrifice: Heaven to Earth, 

  an infinite journey of grace
When he came to rescue, release, and renew you.

In sacred response, draw near with a whole heart, 

  a deepening communion.
Be still in his presence, be filled with his presence
Father, Son, Holy Spirit: God with us.
Day after day, time with him 

  is your most precious treasure.

Be the fruitful branch abiding in the Vine.
Be the little lamb in the Good Shepherd’s tender care.
Be the beautiful Beloved in the Lover’s embrace.
Ask, and he will surely show you how.

I have a hard time just sitting quietly to pray or read the Bible, meditating on God's goodness and listening to what he is trying to tell me. Part of this is because I'm a busy mother of 10, but I can't use this as an excuse. I think sometimes I just avoid it. Maybe I just don't want to face myself in the light of his face because I'm too proud to humble myself and admit I've done wrong. Maybe I don't trust him and I'm afraid of what he'll tell me to do or that he will reject me. Maybe I have forgotten how very good and kind he is, that his plans for me are so much better than any that I could concoct. Whatever the reason, there is always a way back to his open arms. If he came this far to save us, don't you think he'll go to the same great efforts to draw us back when we've wandered? And when I do sit still to wonder and worship, I wonder why I waited so long! Do you need help learning how to quiet down and listen to God? Read here: Busy, Dizzy & In a Tizzy?

I wrote this new poem last night, so imagine my delight to find that this prayer by Henri Nouwen was part of a responsive reading at Lake Baldwin Church this morning for the start of Advent:

Master of both the light and the darkness, send your Holy Spirit upon our preparations for Christmas. We who have so much to do seek quiet spaces to hear your voice each day. We who are anxious over many things look forward to your coming among us. We who are blessed in so many ways long for the complete joy of your kingdom. We whose hearts are heavy seek the joy of your presence. We are your people, walking in darkness, yet seeking the light. To you we say, "Come Lord Jesus!" Amen

Blessings,

Virginia Knowles

Between the Seed and the Tree

Between the Seed and the Tree

by Virginia Knowles

A seed so small
A mere breath might scatter it

Never to be seen again
Lost on a barren path

Yet by some miracle planted with purpose

Dry shell softens
Releasing a pale root into welcoming soil
Down growth
Up growth
Green stem
Leaves

What will it be?
A tree?
From this tiny seed?

The seedling grows
Straight up
Skyward bound
Up and up
Empowered by life within

A tree to be, and already a tree

Defying doubt
This slender sapling
Shall someday become a solid trunk
With lush canopy of branches and leaves

A fruitful, sheltering garden blessing.

Though lost and fragile
Once found by Love
We took root and grew

Now between the grace and the glory
Still in the middle of the story

By faith
With hope
Skyward bound

Springing forth from the first promise toward the full reality

Our destiny unfurls in slow motion

Between the seed and the tree.

 

Jesus told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.” Matthew 13:31-32

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:16-20


"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness." Colossians 2:6-7

~*~*~

The title and concept for this poem came to me as I listened to Dave Abney, a pastor at Lake Baldwin Church, talk about the parable of the mustard seed in his October 3 sermon.  He reminded us of the apparent tension between what God has ultimately promised for the future and what we experience right now in our lives.  It all starts so small and we grow into it, sort of like how Jesus seemed to have such a quiet, localized personal ministry, but it has grown to be a huge force all over the world.  Someday, we shall see the fullness and magnificence of his Kingdom with the eternal glory of Heaven.  Nothing we know on earth can even begin to compare to that!  We just trust that it's coming, and that gives us hope for the here and now.  The gospel of Jesus is simple, enduring, and beautiful.   We are like seeds planted to become strong trees, his life within ours.  We long to be like Jesus : loving, bold, servant-hearted, free, and yet sometimes the progress seems so slow.   I've often thought of this as living "between the now and the not yet."  But we are comforted to know that he is still at work in us, and his love is not dependent on our progress but on his grace.

 

"Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is." 1 John 3:2

Back to the poem a moment: When I was working on the early drafts of this poem, I sent a raw version to several friends who are all fellow writers/teachers in various venues, asking for their comments.    Dan Christensen and Cheryl Bastian helped me prune the words and adjust the flow in the middle of the "critique and tweak" phase. 

Dan's advice: "Here's an exercise: Go through the poem. Set aside form, rhythm and rhyme. Take out any word or phrase that isn't missed if it's gone. These often include our favorite gems--in everyone's writing! Being brutal pays off because you start to see the poem's essence and you get comfortable with making judgments that propel the essence. You save

the reader from having to sort through. Fewer filters means the message is more apt to get through."

(I hope you got the message!) 

Later, my friend Gary Thomas wrote: "It gets even better with the 3rd or 4th reading.  I think it's one that needs to be read slowly, Virginia, so I wonder if you want to work the structure to encourage that--shorter lines, more breaks, slow the reader down.  In a way, that kind of structure would play into the theme of slow growth.  I think you've got the language down marvelously, but on my first reading, I think in part because of the longer lines, I read it too quickly, and that undercut the message.  You've got some really nice language here, so a slower structure would be sort of like (keeping with the season) slowing people down to 15 mph so they can see the Christmas lights on the houses instead of just speeding by."  

Gary suggested some specific line breaks, so what you see above is the new version, revised after the initial blog post.  Another critiquing friend, Doug Vardell, liked an even earlier (but never published on-line) raw version because he felt the choppier rhythm had more emotional impact and offered a slight grammatical change which I have just incorporated.  I'm thinking this new structure may bring some of that back.   In free verse there is no metered rhythm, which can either mean liberty to do it however, or a challenge to figure out what is best without a rule to tell me.   So I want more feedback! What about it, folks? Do you like the stanzas to each have six longer lines, or more but shorter lines?  I can go either way reading it myself, but it helps to know how it speaks to others.  Let me know what you think! 

Here is the first published version of the first stanza...

A seed so small a mere breath might scatter it

Never to be seen again, lost on a barren path
Yet by some miracle, planted with purpose
Dry shell softens, releasing a pale root into welcoming soil
Down growth, up growth, green stem, leaves
What will it be? A tree? From this tiny seed?

Here are the same words in Gary's suggested structure again...  

A seed so small

A mere breath might scatter it
Never to be seen again
Lost on a barren path
Yet by some miracle planted with purpose
Dry shell softens
Releasing a pale root
Into welcoming soil
Down growth
Up growth
Green stem
Leaves
What will it be?
A tree?
From this tiny seed?

So even a poem is a "work in progress" -- sometimes even after I think it is done. Leave any comment you want about the poem below! 

Between the seed and the tree,

Virginia Knowles

http://www.virginiaknowles.blogspot.com/